Leaders, Grinders, and Floaters: What’s Your Relationship To Commitment?
What’s your relationship to commitment? I don’t mean romantically (not specifically). I mean commitment to results.
Positive, negative, neutral? What are your patterns, and how do they show up?
I see 3 main patterns in clients:
- Leaders: They’re focused and unfazed. They’re clear on what they’re committed to in their lives, and why. Their actions and plans support their commitments fully, and when things don’t work out they’re understandably disappointed, and OK.
- Grinders: They put tons of pressure on it. They’re not just committed, they’re attached to results, fearful of consequences if they don’t deliver or circumstances intervene. Blood, sweat, and tears are a given—their own or others’.
- Floaters/Rollers/Flakes: They avoid commitment, opting to experiment and keep options open. They may resist goals altogether. Or they may have wildly ambitious ideas, without intent or action to follow through. It’s not that they don’t make an effort, but their focus is diffuse.
#2–3 aren’t “bad.” It’s a pattern versus person label and not a judgment of intrinsic worth. But if they were wine #2–3 behaviors would be less balanced and robust than #1.
The word “commitment” can come with baggage and personally my default has been to flip between #2 and #3. My failure to decide, flexibility and “cool as a cucumber” exterior as well as my alter ego of grit-my-teeth, self-defeating determination to succeed at any cost were masking self-doubt and fears of failure — on top of an accurate sense that results weren’t completely up to me.
The fact is, it’s safer not to want, to engage in “maybe/someday” thinking, or to cling. We have all kinds of ways to avoid responsibility — and disappointment. I see this also with references to seemingly magical manifestation and “the universe.”
Magic is real, “of course.” But the real magic is in YOU 🙂
What is commitment without attachment? It’s declaration, it’s powerful intent. It’s not “I’ll try” “I hope” “I want.” It’s “I will” — knowing full well it may not work out, and that doesn’t make me “less than” at all. For myself, and many of my clients, the growth edge is making commitments with a higher commitment to always honor oneself. It’s the willingness to fail a little, with care, compassion, and a lot more grace.
There are infinite factors influencing our results — past and present, near and far. Your No. 1 sphere of influence (and No. 1 Magic Maker), is almost always you.
Need support clarifying your commitments and creating forward momentum in your work, in a highly supportive group format? Check out my women’s retreat in France in September 2021 — last day for sign ups is July 19th.
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