How to eat shit sandwiches
It happens to the best of us. We’re living our best lives, minding our own business, when PLOP! Life serves us the surprise shit sandwich. Sometimes it happens to my clients, sometimes to me. Everyone eats one occasionally, and some are much, much bigger than others. I’m defining shit sandwiches as unexpected events that not only stink but are also not in and of themselves not particularly healthy. This could be loss, injury, a major setback at work or a falling out, for instance. It could be karma, it could be the random noise of an imperfect Earth — I’m not here to explain the pungent kitchen of the universe, I’m just here to advise you how to eat in it.
There are lots of ways one can eat a shit sandwich (because eat it you must if you want to pass it… get past it). Try these:
1Experience the shit sandwich for what it is. This basically means that if you’re eating a shit sandwich, I recommend that you actually smell and taste it. Versus masking it with fancy condiments. Or stuffing it down super quickly. If you try to make it anything other than what it is, you will likely make yourself cough it up (Southpark, anyone?) and once again you’ll be in a position of swallowing it. The less gross way to say this is, cultivate acceptance. This isn’t abstract. It requires active practice — this could be mindfulness, therapy, artistic expression, sad or angry music, or honestly and openly processing the experience with someone you love and trust (AKA, “dumping”).
2Keep shit to mealtimes only. This is particularly difficult when you find yourself in shit sandwich shop (rather than a one-meal event), eating shit sandwiches over and over, and over again. For example, a slew of layoffs at work or a failing relationship. We humans have some pretty versatile psychological digestive tracts, but we’re often not good at adjusting. Finding ways to keep the shit eating to certain times can look like intentionally throwing yourself into other things in between meals, dialing up your oral hygiene and mints (e.g., ramping up self-care and practices that shift you from wanting to hurl your brains out to a positive state), or leaning into social networks, ideally making active contributions, to take your mind off yourself and your stinky breath.
3Remind yourself that you won’t be eating shit forever. Where there is dark, poopy shit, there is always a silver lining even if you can’t see or experience it yet. Usually when eating shit sandwiches, we don’t go, That was some great bread!!! If your shit sandwiches are of the kind that are life altering, there is depth and richness in the fact that you experienced it. Your shit can be the world’s gift. Which leads me to my fourth and final point…
4Perhaps the most powerful way to get through a shit sandwich, especially when the shit sandwich is an extended ordeal, is to work in the kitchen. Many of us are laser focused on our own lives and goals such that personal setbacks are experienced as devastating and disastrous. You can transform your shit sandwich into a humble pie by serving others from a place of newfound humility. For example, you can help others with a similar problem, or throw yourself into acts of altruism and prosocial value creation when you yourself aren’t able to enjoy or do as much. This is related to #2 but more transformative. Love and compassion can be born of suffering. It’s hard to feel compassion for others eating shit sandwiches, or ourselves, when we have never taken a long deep whiff of our not-so-rosy demons.
So there you have it. The art of shit sandwich eating. Who would have thought it could be so delicate! Freedom comes not from denying the soft, icky things in our lives, but from leaning in and experiencing ALL of it. Because let’s face it, if you can eat shit, you can eat anything. Even when you don’t like it.
This article was inspired by a talk by my favorite former Buddhist monk, Gil Fronsdal. As well as the shit sandwiches of myself and my clients. Original artwork.
