Getting real(ly confident)

Casey Onder, PhD
2 min readFeb 18, 2024
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

(Not so) long ago, I was Brené Brown allergic. Stoic and achievement-oriented, her ideas seemed at best irrelevant, at worst an affront.

Conditional self-worth is extremely common among talented and high performing individuals.

Don’t get me wrong: There’s nothing wrong with striving to do well, and success being a cornerstone of self-identity. I think it’s fantastic, and that the world is better or at least more evolved for it.

And what drives the striving is key…

If you’re being honest are you striving to create or contribute to something greater? Or are you chasing, filling a (perceived) gap?

Are you more connected to joy, personal values and courage? Or to dissatisfaction, righteousness and fear?

No judgment on what gets you going. Winning feels good for most of us, and pride can be powerful and healthy. Especially if you acknowledge your imperfections and doubts.

Strength with resilience includes accepting and even cherishing underlying pain points, fears and aversions, including fears of who you might be. You can go all in and all out in peace, with joy and relative ease.

Flowing powerfully toward desired results.

Becoming confident without conditions.

Receiving, embracing, achieving more and better than you believed, envisioned and dreamed…

And while you certainly want to and you will, it would also be real(ly OK), if you didn’t <3

Want to get real(ly confident)? Check out my offerings.



Casey Onder, PhD

Executive Coach | Psychologist | PhD. Follow me on LinkedIn or sign up for my newsletter @