Destination Clairvoyage
I was sprawled on my back in Toulouse May of my 2018 travel year, playing Tara Mohr’s Inner Mentor guided visualization, for at least the 7th time hoping for some clarity on my future. My vision was fuzzy, but goddamnit I was persistent.
At one point in the visualization Mohr asks, in her soothing earth mother tone, “What is your (inner mentor’s) true name, other than your given name? What name are you called by?” On that day in particular, a name finally surfaced: Claire Voyage. Eventually this became the name of my business.
Claire is my middle name, my maternal grandmother’s name who I never met. I always preferred it to my first name (Casey), which my dad gave me on the spot. My parents assumed I would be a boy, maybe because I came out at over 8 pounds, and had no Turkish name like my brother’s lined up for me.
I thought of changing my name to Claire when I was younger, but similar to my attitude toward tattoos I was always too lazy, and/or it felt indulgent, and/or it was “too late.” Casey felt too… “Casey at the Bat,” too heartland America (whereas I have been moving most of my life).
I’ve come around to Casey, much as I’ve come around to myself. I liked my inner mentor/business name so much, I trademarked it. I had no overarching plan at the time for the business.
You may be facing a lot of uncertainty in your life currently, much as I was in 2018. And like my burnout-induced travel year, maybe COVID has raised questions about where you really want to end up in your life and your career. It’s a first world problem — and a significant one when you suspect your life could be much more than it is and it becomes meaningfully clear that time’s a ticking.
When you live on autopilot on a specific path or trajectory and the world takes surprise shots at you, you might see it as an opportunity or you might go into a tailspin. You might realize, with a sudden epiphany or a dull ache of your compromised engine, that the life you thought you wanted isn’t really or that there’s much more to it that is missing. You may feel compelled to course correct aggressively. You’re in unknown territory, and it’s both thrilling and disruptive.
My Clairvoyage story offers a few wisdom nuggets to new and wannabe existential adventurers:
1. You don’t have to know everything before you take action. If you want change you only need the seed of an idea, really, and a genuine commitment. Trusting myself in the face of uncertainty has been one of the hardest lessons for me as a solopreneur, and one I’ve gotten served on over, and over, and over again. So do your reflecting, collect your data, if you want to, and know that it may or may not tell you anything because it’s based on the past. Sometimes the fact that something that attracts you is unknown, is the very reason you should do it. Particularly when it comes to growth and fulfillment.
2. Your higher commitments can take you to unexpected places. When I decided to stop white knuckling my way to perceived respectability in the interest of freedom, I had little sense of where it would take me. I didn’t plan for it but I’m not surprised I ended up in New York (I always wanted to experience living there). And I definitely didn’t expect to leave New York as soon as I did. Nor did I expect my travel year, coaching, and entrepreneurship to expose and handicap all my trusty survival strategies. I was scared to do all of it, but part of me expected it would be much more light and easy. At the same time I’ve grown a lot and know I’m in exactly the right place, aimed in the right general direction.
3. The life you envision for yourself actually means something. I’m a psychologist, not a manifestation coach. I believe that data has meaning and pipe dreams are a reality. But if your imagined future is a blank or looks significantly different from the life you’re creating, it’s time to wake up and start paying attention to the choices that you are making and the voices behind the curtains — the puppet masters of your marionette. There are probably a whole lot of assumptions, stories, and fears if you’re like most people in this position. Many otherwise smart people (especially smart people) convince themselves these are all true. If your vision looks achievable from the path you’re on, great! That’s exactly where you want to be. If it doesn’t, then you have the option of trusting your gut, putting down the self-blame, complacency, confusion, finger-pointing, and fear, and doing the work to give yourself a chance at what you want before you kick the can.
Your path need not be as dramatic as mine has been (and you might not go anywhere physically, which these days is convenient). But if you’re anything like me, the work will be a beautifully rewarding journey. Each of us has our own Clairvoyage, ready to be lived when we are ready.
Once you get this, you can’t unsee it. Next steps will come more easily, and you’ll never be lost again. You’ll be free and you’ll be flying. You’ll have a home in you.
If you want support in navigating your own life’s journey, schedule an introductory conversation.
