Design your life, design your Self?

Photo by Markos Mant on Unsplash

Most people think they “are who they are.”

Like any self fulfilling prophesy (or placebo effect), this is true largely because you believe it to be.

If who you believe yourself to be is working for you, great! If not — meaning you’re not getting all of the results you want from your current MO — then it may be time to re-evaluate who you think you are, in contrast to who you want to be.

Not to say there’s anything wrong with you or that a gap in these two identities means you are “doing it wrong.”

Who you’ve been worked for you as long as it did. It designed life as you know it, quite literally.

Show your past Self some gratitude. It got you as far as it did.

And, if you want to redesign your work (your results and/or your experience), it follows you’ll need to redesign your Self as well.

Say what?

This can seem pretty trippy and fantastical, if you have set ideas about who you are (and how the world is).

It may even seem “fake.” As if you were putting on a performance. For some people, I would argue it is. But we’re not talking about acting. We’re talking about becoming who you need to be, to get the results you want.

Those are two different things. One is superficial and one is deep.

And before you question this idea as being impractical or even esoteric, consider that all we’re really talking about is creating new neural circuitry, supplanting familiar patterns that keep you stuck. Like learning a new language or new dance moves.

If I can do it, so can you!

As long as you’re learning anything, you’re stretching and strengthening. It’s no different when the learning reaches the depths of your core identity.

So yes, you are who you are — and this statement holds true for exactly as long as this second…

Beyond that, you’ve got a great big ocean of possibility in front of you. Life will push anyways, but it’s far more enjoyable to dip or dive in. To swim toward possibilities, versus status quo “sink or swim.”

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Casey Onder, PhD

Psychologist, success coach, believer in solid behavioral science and the power of tuning in.